Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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