I accidentally burped into my bong.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
