your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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