The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
