You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
