nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You left your phone here
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