I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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