We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
