I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
