She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
