so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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