That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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