WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
