AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
