Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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