Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
