i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
