why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
