He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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