had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
