Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
