Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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