Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
