How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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