So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
