9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
