I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
this hospital has no fireball
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
