I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
