Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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