I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
