imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
