I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
