When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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