sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
