fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
