my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
