As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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