Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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