i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
