i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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