I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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