Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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