walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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