Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
