i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
