i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
