I just saw a hot homeless man
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
