considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
