Yo dont text me then not text me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
