Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
