He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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