i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
